


Another Night just like this

by siriuslymoony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: References to Depression, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14010729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslymoony/pseuds/siriuslymoony
Summary: Remus is alone, and his heart is missing someone he shouldn't be missing.





	Another Night just like this

Completely drained. That is what Remus Lupin is feeling. The doorknob is icy against his hand as he pushes open his front door with what feels like his last bit of strength. Winters are always the worst, he thinks, flicking on the light. The cramped room lights up blearily, as if the fluorescent rods just can’t really be bothered tonight. Remus drops his bags on the floor and opens the fridge, only to be met with some dry vegetables and a few eggs. He slams the door shut a little more forcefully than intended. The dull snap feels like a punch to his bones. Eventually he settles on heating up some soup and sits down at the table, shoulders slumped. His usually green eyes are a dry grey. Remus eats quietly and quickly, leaving the bowl in the sink, unwashed, before heading to his bedroom. The calendar on the wall marks the full moon less than a week away. 

He crouches down to turn on the dusty space heater and swears to himself when nothing happens. He flicks the garish orange switch. Up. Down. Up. Down. Nothing. His breath is coming out uneven. No, no, he’s held on all week, he isn’t going to lose it now just because of a stupid heater. He bangs on the pipes before standing up, pulling at his hair. A couple strands dislodge and fall unevenly to the floor. A twenty-six year old with greying hair. What a sight. He sits down on the bed, missing him so so much, hating himself for missing him.  
“He's a traitor.” He says out loud. “He's the reason Peter and Lily and James are dead.” The words feel wrong in his mouth. He hangs his head, letting it fall into his hands. His palms press against his wet lashes as he tries and tries to stop his thoughts from consuming him.  
“Stop it, stop it, stop it.” He wipes his eyes desperately, but the heaviness is pressing down on him. It comes in waves, he knows this. He knows that in a few hours he will be numb again and eventually fall asleep, but for right now, his colorless world seems to be closing in on him. 

He thinks of the hospital he has been avoiding for weeks; he can't bear to see his old classmates like that anymore, empty and isolated. He feels guilty for abandoning them, two brave Aurors who left behind a son. But then again, they aren’t the only ones that he’s abandoned. 

He thinks of his father, who finally left him, parentless and friendless in a community still recovering from a war. The love that he ripped away from his life felt all-encompassing at the time, and his death still hangs around him like a dark curtain. 

He thinks of him. The one whose name still burns like firewhiskey on his tongue, who refuses to leave his mind, no matter how much it hurts. Stalking his life, which is really only memories now, haunting, always haunting. 

And Remus can’t let go, even on nights like these, when the moon is pulling at his bones, because there was a time when that ghost was a boy, and that boy brought so much warmth into his life.


End file.
